??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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