I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
