I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
