My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
