i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
