I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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