If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
