We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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