just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
