I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
