Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
