My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
