so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
