yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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