forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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