Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
