I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
