the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
