i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
