just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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