thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have fence marks all over my body
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
