He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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