We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
