rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
