I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need water and some morals
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
