You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All the doctor said was why
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
