I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
