he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
