Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
