I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
