Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
