i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
