You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
