Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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