I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
