I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
