theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
