Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
