Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
