I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
