He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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