I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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