I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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