i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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