On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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