this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im holly from the hills drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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