You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
50% drunk capacity currently
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
