Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
youre lurking in front of me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
