I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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