oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
