fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
