Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said her name was "party"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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